Saturday, June 7, 2014

Looking for a Roomate

(Worst roommate ever)


What's your major?

Triple major in molecular and cellular biology, neurobiology, and mechanical engineering. 

How important are grades to you v. social life?


When do you prefer to study?
Every waking moment.

Does noise bother you when you're studying?
Does nuclear fallout bother you when you're studying? Yes. 

Do you have to be alone when you're studying?
On a scale of 1 to dead, how quiet will you be?

Sharing a Room/Suite

Have you ever shared a room before (most Freshmen will be sharing with at least one other student)?

I've shared a room with my shattered dreams for as long as I can remember.

Would it bother you a lot to room with someone who is gay or transgender? 

Don't look at me when I'm changing.

Are you a night owl/early bird?

I am nocturnal. 

Do you have good personal hygiene (shower daily, use deodorant, etc.)?

No. I believe in living with a healthy layer of dirt.

Would rooming with someone with body odor gross you out?

I room with myself and I'm not grossed out.

Do you snore or talk in your sleep?

Yes and yes. I have recited "The Jabberwocky" from memory in my sleep.

Do you walk in your sleep (in other words, am I gonna have to chain you to your bed or chase you down)?

I will supply my own chains.

Are you tidy/somewhat sloppy/a slob?

I hate being forced to conform to the confines of drawers. 

Are you strongly religious/moderately religious/agnostic/athiest-humanist?

I devoutly practice Wicca.

Do you enjoy discussing religion?

Would you enjoy being hexed? 

How do you feel about arranging scheduled "private time".
My private time is all the time. We can schedule time for you to talk to me during a 15 minute window.

Mind opposite-sex sleep-overs?


If you are leaving for the week-end or spending the night somewhere else, will you let me know?

No. You are not my mother. If I die, I die.

Do you object to roommate having sex while you're in the room?

Not at all. Please do.

How often do you talk on the phone?
I don't own a phone. I don't want the government to be able to find me.

Do you have any unusual habits?

Not that I know of (but you may not like porcupines).

Do you share personal property/food freely, or do you want to be asked first every time?

You take my things, I end you.

Do you talk out problems when you're upset, or do you need to be left alone?

I don't have problems. You have problems.

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