Monday, June 9, 2014


Awards are a pretty big deal. Tonight are the Senior Awards and I was invited which I guess is kind of a big deal. It's always total surprise to me when I receive my award, because it's usually for something I didn't even consider being recognized in. Usually I try to guess and I guess wrong. This year though, I'm pretty sure my award will be one of the following.

  • Mediocrity in the Face of Senioritis
        This award is granted to seniors who are able to maintain Bs or higher in all classes even though they don't give a crap.
  • Least Improved
        If you are a senior and your progress has actually been regress, then you could be eligible for this award!
  • The You're Not Dead Award For Living Seniors
          You didn't die in a drunken car wreck, from cancer, or from a heart attack when you realized you had a paper due tomorrow! Congratulations. 
  • Best Blog
         I think this one's pretty self explanatory. 
  • Award for Outstanding Self Service
         Have you helped the community? Maybe not. But have you helped yourself? Yes, you have. You helped yourself to two extra cookies yesterday when your conscience wasn't looking and you helped yourself get an internship when you put totally made-up stuff on your resume (not me, I promise). Life is all about doing what it takes, and taking what it takes, to get yourself to the finish line.
  • Award for Academic Honesty
        You didn't cheat or copy anyone's homework once all of high school. Congratulations! But being a stickler for academic integrity also means that you were an annoying tattletale throughout freshman and sophomore years. Here's a paper with a gold border and fancy script to make up for the fact that you had no friends.

In all seriousness, though, it is an honor to have been invited to the awards and I look forward to seeing everyone tonight looking spiffy and being rewarded for all of their hard work!

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