July
20, 2015
BERKELEY,
CA—Authorities were notified this
morning that a grove of eucalyptus trees on the UC Berkeley campus had been
occupied by a group of naked Bay Area residents. Police arrived on the scene
expecting to find members of the Tree Spirit Project, the same group that had protested naked there last Saturday
in an attempt to draw attention to plans to remove large swaths of trees in the
East Bay area as a wild fire prevention measure. Upon arrival, however, police
were surprised to hear rhythmic chanting issuing from a ring of protestors.
Says police Lieutenant Chris Keeley, “At first, I thought they were just
chanting protest slogans.” After realizing that the group wasn’t speaking
English, he says he decided to do more investigating. “That’s when I
noticed the old lady was levitating.” The ‘old lady’ in question was Donna
Wallock, head priestess at the gathering, who claims she accomplished her anti-gravitational
feat using advanced yoga and meditation techniques. Like the protestors from
the Tree Spirit Project group, Wallock and her followers also wished to raise
awareness about the funds FEMA plans to allocate to tree removal. Ms. Wallock clarified,
however, that while the Tree Spirit Project, “addressed the problem with a
peaceful naked protest, I have been guided by the spirit of the Mother Earth to
take up the fight from a different angle. If our call is answered, the Berkeley
city council and the FEMA directors will face a nasty rash in the shape of the Vegan Society logo and indigestion for
the next two moons.” Ms. Wallock, who has been a resident of the Berkeley Hills
for over 25 years, is a respected witch in the local Wiccan communities, an
experienced communicator with the goddess Mother Earth, and an active volunteer
at the Berkeley Public Library. Her husband, Eli Wallock, is a Professor Emeritus
in the College of Chemistry at UC Berkeley.
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