Monday, July 20, 2015

Pagan Ritual Mistaken for Environmentalist Protest

July 20, 2015
BERKELEY, CA—Authorities were notified this morning that a grove of eucalyptus trees on the UC Berkeley campus had been occupied by a group of naked Bay Area residents. Police arrived on the scene expecting to find members of the Tree Spirit Project, the same group that had protested naked there last Saturday in an attempt to draw attention to plans to remove large swaths of trees in the East Bay area as a wild fire prevention measure. Upon arrival, however, police were surprised to hear rhythmic chanting issuing from a ring of protestors. Says police Lieutenant Chris Keeley, “At first, I thought they were just chanting protest slogans.” After realizing that the group wasn’t speaking English, he says he decided to do more investigating. “That’s when I noticed the old lady was levitating.” The ‘old lady’ in question was Donna Wallock, head priestess at the gathering, who claims she accomplished her anti-gravitational feat using advanced yoga and meditation techniques. Like the protestors from the Tree Spirit Project group, Wallock and her followers also wished to raise awareness about the funds FEMA plans to allocate to tree removal. Ms. Wallock clarified, however, that while the Tree Spirit Project, “addressed the problem with a peaceful naked protest, I have been guided by the spirit of the Mother Earth to take up the fight from a different angle. If our call is answered, the Berkeley city council and the FEMA directors will face a nasty rash in the shape of the Vegan Society logo and indigestion for the next two moons.” Ms. Wallock, who has been a resident of the Berkeley Hills for over 25 years, is a respected witch in the local Wiccan communities, an experienced communicator with the goddess Mother Earth, and an active volunteer at the Berkeley Public Library. Her husband, Eli Wallock, is a Professor Emeritus in the College of Chemistry at UC Berkeley. 

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