MEET JEAN. Jean is a cat. Jean is my only friend. Jean always listens to me and she is made of plastic so she never coughs up hairballs. She also doesn’t need a litter box or food or water or anything really except for my unconditional love because, as I just mentioned, she is made of plastic. She’s made of a material that was probably engineered by a group of men wearing collared shirts with t-shirt sleeves and her plastic was probably intended for something really important like ball point pens or those training toilets they make for little kids. My mom told me not to put Jean in my mouth because Jean is made of plastic and all plastics are toxic. Also my mom said it is not nice to use your only friend as a chew toy. I named Jean myself. I could have called her Twinkie, because of the unnatural yellow-orange color she was spray painted at the factory, or Butt Face because her mouth looks like an anus, but I went with Jean instead. Jean is pronounced like the thing that Levi Strauss invented during the gold rush, not like a fancy French man. I named her Jean because it is normal to name your plastic cat after a type of clothing. I am looking forward to many fun adventures with Jean. Most people will think I’m by myself, but surprise! I am with my best friend, except my best friend is at the bottom of my purse hanging out with my spare change and gum wrappers right now. That’s some efficient transportation if you ask me.
|(just because my mom said not to doesn't mean I won't)|