MEET JEAN. Jean is a cat. Jean is my only friend. Jean always listens
to me and she is made of plastic so she never coughs up hairballs. She also
doesn’t need a litter box or food or water or anything really except for my
unconditional love because, as I just mentioned, she is made of plastic. She’s
made of a material that was probably engineered by a group of men wearing
collared shirts with t-shirt sleeves and her plastic was probably intended for
something really important like ball point pens or those training toilets they
make for little kids. My mom told me not to put Jean in my mouth because Jean
is made of plastic and all plastics are toxic. Also my mom said it is not nice
to use your only friend as a chew toy. I named Jean myself. I could have called
her Twinkie, because of the unnatural yellow-orange color she was spray painted
at the factory, or Butt Face because her mouth looks like an anus, but I went
with Jean instead. Jean is pronounced like the thing that Levi Strauss invented
during the gold rush, not like a fancy French man. I named her Jean because it
is normal to name your plastic cat after a type of clothing. I am looking
forward to many fun adventures with Jean. Most people will think I’m by myself,
but surprise! I am with my best friend, except my best friend is at the bottom
of my purse hanging out with my spare change and gum wrappers right now. That’s
some efficient transportation if you ask me.
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| (just because my mom said not to doesn't mean I won't) |
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