Midterms

Hiding from homework doesn't actually make it go away but I recommend it anyway. Did you know homework can't find you if you hide in your bed and pull up the covers all the way? Thought I should let you know.

Most high schoolers enter college woefully uninformed about some key things: getting enough sleep, doing laundry, and, most importantly, taking midterms. Future freshmen, allow me to make something abundantly clear for you now, so that you won't have to go through the psychological trauma of discovering it later: the college midterm season is not a hellish week, or even two weeks, of stress and sleeplessness. No, midterm season is an academic behemoth that drags on from the last week of September through mid-November. I want you to imagine a common garden slug, slimy and shell-less and pathetic. Now, enlarge that slug in your head until it's the size of a German Shepard. That monstrosity of a slug is midterms, and it's about to slime all over your little collegiate existence. You're welcome.

To cope with the stress and emotional upheaval of midterm season, many students turn to ice cream, binge watching Netflix, and good ol' denial. The list below includes some of the many lies we tell ourselves during this time of year.

1. "When midterms are over, I'll finally be able to relax!"
     False: When midterms are over, you'll finally be studying for finals.
2. "I took the AP in high school, so I'm good."
     False: Contrary to what the College Board would like you to believe, APs are still high school classes.
3. "This midterm is just a test with an inflated ego. I don't need to study that hard."
     False: Study.
4. "I'm going to fail this midterm and I'm going to fail this class."
     False: Even though you majorly messed up on this midterm (two standard deviations away from the average? Really??), there's still another midterm and a final left. You'll probably be able to salvage your grade.
5. "I did not cry in the fetal position afterwards."
     False: We've all done it.
6. "The curve will save me."
     False: Probably not.
7. "I studied enough."
     False: Okay this is just a blatant lie and you know it. Watching American Horror Story is not constructive when you're preparing for an Anthro midterm.
8. "The ritual sacrifice I performed three days ago will save my grade."
     False: You really are desperate.
9. "That midterm was horrible. My life is over."
     False: Your life isn't over, but this list is.